i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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