i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
