Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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