Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
