Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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