she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
