Apparently you make a good broom.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
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It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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