She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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