I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I can't put those talents on a resume
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
