My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
