dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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