Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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