He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
