So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
