It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
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You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
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i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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