he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
