i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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