Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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