No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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