Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
