She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
