He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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