i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
