Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
