No awkward lesbian experiences without me
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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