DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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