I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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