Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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