My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
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