as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
