I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
