Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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