you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
