just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
