I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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