And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I have tasted many bathrooms
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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