maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
