We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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