I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
