hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
