she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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