How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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