I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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