i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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