That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
