Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
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