I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
