I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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