How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
