saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
