mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Randomize
