And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
