he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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