Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
