I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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