apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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