Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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