either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
