He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
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No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
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I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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