i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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