Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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