youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Randomize
