I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Sorry my hands just texted you
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
