it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
