Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
