i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
