Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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