He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
