There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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