How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
