Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
