Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
