First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
