How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
