i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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