wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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