I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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