I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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